when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
