I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize