yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
