this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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