I can tuck mytits in my pants
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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