I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize