You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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