Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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