Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
