That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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