the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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