you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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