forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
