I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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