dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
