So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
