If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
