Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
