I'd wear matching sweaters with you
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
