You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
