i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
