i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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