so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
