My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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