Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize