its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
