Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
