Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
