If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
