in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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