I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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