Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
How's work?
Spinning.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
