According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
