I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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