i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
