haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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