Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
