it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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