chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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