I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I have already put on my inside pants.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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