My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
