I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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