you win again, gameday.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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