she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Randomize
