The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
