I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
