That's when you crack a 10am beer
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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