'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
