so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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