the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Randomize
