wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
two words...techno handjob
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
