No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
