he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
