Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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