Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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