I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
