He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My vagina just clenched in fear
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
