it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
