Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
