We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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