Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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