oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
