I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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