Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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