A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
