I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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