btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
