Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
