He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
