You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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