He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
