porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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