I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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