Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
