Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
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